Jtales

I have heard from my parents that the word of God has always comforted them . Thought things were tough the word of God was like a shield for them. I have never understood what it's like to hear from God, maybe I was so much of a sinner that God didn't want to talk to me. I have never understood what signs of God are because I have mistook my laziness and  something not happening to be a sign , I don't know what it is to see a vision in the dream because I have never seen it either . I felt like I'm a sinner because I just don't experience anything Christians normally do . The other day I started feeling sick and I felt like I almost got corona virus because that was all around me, I kept googling for symptoms and confirmed in my mind that what if this is corona and I started worrying  what if I transmit it to my parents. It took me a while to understand that not everything you see is what it is. There is always a blessing is disguise.  Worrying is always

My grandfather died when I was 8, I was too little to understand what death was when I lost him, but as I grew older I understood it's not easy for me to accept his death , because those memories I have of him will never die. Going to my grandparents house was the best part of my vacation. Every summer Kerala became my destination, I would go there every vacation and find it new everytime . Sitting in the varanda and watching the rain and sipping tea along with my grandparents were priceless. My ammachi used to give me extra snacks while everyone got one. Hours of conversation about how my mother was when she was young, how I was when I was a baby were all my favourite things to hear . Appacha and ammachi were my favourites. sometimes I felt appacha loved me more because he used to carry me around, I was a part of his evening walks to gopalans kada and every roadside conversations he had with the others in the village . But it's later I understood both of them love

It's 4 am and I'm losing my sleep and my mind . I can't keep calm,  my mind is at it's loudest . Can you hear me my love ? I know you must be asleep, but I am waiting to hear your voice so I can calm my mind down.  I'm accompanied by  insecurities and loneliness can you just wake up if you are asleep, because I don't like my company right now . I love it when your kisses wake me up rather than the stories of how you betrayed me.. I love it when you play with my hair and not with  my heart . Can you tell me at the moment that you love me too , because I am in need of your love . I know it's just my fault and I don't want to believe loving you was a mistake. My mind has questions, will you answer them? Would you hold me close and be scared to leave me ? Because I have the fear of letting go of you . Will it hurt you tomorrow at this time when I am not there , because it does hurt me today when you aren't by myside.

Crowded streets , Noisy pathways , Countless pocket roads, Colourful houses , Beautiful people, Language of love, Lots of smiles and hugs, Eating by the roadside, Accessories that dress you up, Minds that open to new ideas, Conversations that never ended, Doors that opened , People were welcomed, Coffees were refreshing, Cafes were exciting, Dates were interesting, Fears were vanished . Are all , Memories that were cherished. Today it's all locked down, A pandemic that taught us how to fight and not give up ,  how to be calm when there is a  storm outside . How to be patient when everything is so uncertain. How to find hope, when people are dying . This too shall pass .

This is a piece of note for everyone who is like me , As humans we go through much diverse emotions, some emotions we control, some we don't. I wonder why we have categorized emotions so much like emotions that can be shown, emotions that cannot be shown. The Society has pressurized us so much, if a man - you shouldn't cry, if a girl - you shouldn't get angry . You are graceful only when you smile so always be happy . Slowly emotions from our heart are controlled by the society we are around . We even have stereotyped emotions. Have you ever thought how dangerous an unexpressed emotion can be. ? Sometimes we become humans of pressurized emotions .  who were pressurized to be happy for the society. who were pressurized to fake smile so that you wouldn't let the other person know life isn't okay . we force ourselves to smile harder than we let ourselves cry because happiness is a more accepted emotion than sorrow.  we just want to project that life is

Kerala for me was only 10 days of vacation and what my parents talked about. I always heard my parents talk about Kerala how they walked miles, their neighbourhood , their school life, and in fact there were times I envied them when they tell how they enjoyed walking to school. ( while I don't even like going to school) But I always held pride in saying, "I don't know much malayalam"," I am a Bangalorean " and I used to take it as a compliment when somebody says ,"I don't look like a Malayalee". Until I was 18 and I moved to kochi, It was not easy for somebody who was in Bangalore all their life to move to a hostel Life in Kochi, there were times I cried saying I wanna go home, I can't stay here . There were times I found the art of small talk no more an art rather something really annoying. I didn't know whether to take it  as an offense when people laughed when I spoke in malayalam. Eventually I started loving kochi, be it Kap